Most premarital checklists focus on compatibility — money habits, views on children, how conflict gets handled. These matter. But a few deeper questions are worth adding to the list, because they shape the marriage's foundation rather than just its logistics.
Whose marriage is this, really going to be?
Not "are we compatible," but who or what will actually be at the center of this marriage once the excitement of the wedding has faded. A marriage quietly run by two people alone looks very different, over decades, than one genuinely lived with Christ present in the middle of it.
What will our shared spiritual life actually look like?
Not just "we'll go to church," but specifically: who initiates prayer, how does Scripture fit into an ordinary week, what happens in a season when one of us is more spiritually engaged than the other. Vague intentions rarely survive the actual pressures of a shared life.
What do we each expect, and where do we already differ?
Gentle, honest conversations now about roles, decisions, and expectations — while the stakes are still low — save a great deal of pain later, when the same differences surface for the first time during an actual disagreement.
Where this goes next
None of these questions guarantee an easy marriage. They do mean you're not waiting until year seven to ask the question that will actually determine how well your marriage weathers everything year seven brings.