A quick note before the list: this isn't a scorecard for evaluating your spouse. The moment a checklist like this gets used to diagnose someone else, it's already being misused. Read it the way it's meant to be read — as a mirror held up to your own heart, one honest question at a time.
A few honest signs worth sitting with
Prayer has quietly become individual, not shared. Not because anyone decided to stop — it just stopped happening, and nobody noticed exactly when.
Decisions get made by asking "what do we want" without ever pausing to ask "what is God's wisdom here." The two questions can produce the same answer, but they come from very different places.
Conflict is mostly about winning. The goal in an argument has quietly shifted from understanding to being right — and both people can feel the difference even if neither says it out loud.
Forgiveness has an expiration date, or a price. Old offenses keep resurfacing in new arguments, long after they were supposedly settled.
Your spouse has become your source of ultimate security, rather than a companion in seeking it from God. Their mood governs your peace more than your own walk with Christ does.
Scripture, when it comes up at all, is used to win a point rather than to examine your own heart first.
What to do with this list
If two or three of these landed uncomfortably close to home, that's not a verdict on your marriage — it's simply where you are right now, and where you are is always a fine place for God to begin something new. The question worth asking isn't "how many of these apply to us." It's "which one, if I brought it honestly to God this week, might actually start to change."
Where this goes next
Every one of these signs is really the same observation wearing different clothes: a marriage quietly being run by two people alone, rather than genuinely lived with Christ present in the middle of it. That idea — and what to actually do about it — is what the rest of this site, and the book behind it, exist to work through.